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There’s nothing wrong with saying goodbye

People change.

I write weekly on tactics and insights on cultivating authentic relationships that matter to your business, career, and life.

We spend so much time talking about how to seed and nurture relationships, watching them grow into deep connections that yield mutual benefits over the long term.

Like in any garden, sometimes we need a little pruning.

When is it time?

I’ve seen people with purely transactional mindsets burn a bridge once they don’t see value on the other end (like someone moving out of town or switching careers). That might be OK for some, but when you’re building generative relationships, you’re playing long-term games with long-term people, it may not be as clear.

Sometimes they make it clear - directly or indirectly (although going dark here and there is a different story).

Other times, a turning point in your life causes you to revisit who you choose to spend time around (yadda yadda average of the five people…).

I go back to relying on our inner compass - the energy just isn’t there.

What do you do?

As much as I believe in good endings, social connection is tricky. Your goal should be to maintain your boundaries and desires while simultaneously causing as little harm as possible.

Relationships are down escalators - the easiest thing is to step off. Just don’t put any more time and attention into staying in touch. Friendships go out with the tide, but they can always come back at some future point with a genuine “hey! long time no talk - thought of you today!”

Note - I don’t advise ghosting - going unresponsive to them. Again, that’s harmful.

But there’s nothing wrong with maintaining your boundaries, and their next attempt at catching up, just say politely you have other priorities and can’t talk.

Just as you don’t seek to keep trying with people who show little interest in you, they’ll focus on other people.


BTW, Tobias interviewed me for his newsletter - which, by the way, could not recommend more that you sign up for to receive wisdom from founders & entrepreneurs beyond the cookie cutter advice. He also has a class starting up in September for building high-performance teams.

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